The Biggest News of All Time

Stop the presses. It turns out that the world will end before May 27th. According to the great Ronald Weinland (“sent by God as His end-time prophet”), Western economies will completely collapse, leading to World War III and the end of “man’s self-rule” on Earth. All in about two months. Pretty ambitious schedule, there, Ronald. I mean, God. I mean, Ronald.

A quick observation: history is replete with so, so many great men…so many grand prophets selected by the holy Lord…named Ronald. Ronald. It doesn’t at all sound like a fucking clown’s name.

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